Monday, April 18, 2005

Lights On, Nobody Home

I'm a wreck. There are days when I actually think I may go mad. The news on TV pisses me off. The decline of American values depresses me. The fact that I'm another year older scares the crap outta me.

The problem is I don't have anyone to share my ups, and my downs. Sure, I'm married, but it's a loveless union. Has been for quite some time. Connubial bliss, the marital privileges, sexual congress, whatever euphemism you want to attach to it... it ain't happenin' under my roof. My wife and I are in the business of raising kids. I tried to leave the marriage once, but I couldn't stand not being with them every day. I've only got a few years before they head off to college and start lives of their own.

That, I think, will bring about the killshot, maritally speaking. In the meantime, I lead this life of quiet desperation. I remember what it feels like to be in love. I know what it feels like to be dead inside.


You're too hard on yourself. Life is a fleeting thing and maybe your sorry ass missed it the first time around because you weren't paying close attention. No big deal. Most of us did. We thought romantic thoughts of life and love and it turned out different. Oh, well. We were wrong. So, go try it again. Maybe the curse you feel stuck with is truly a blessing that you have yet to recognize?

But who am I to talk, just coming home from 5 months of exile in the desert, shoveling shit. (Shucks, Ted kinda liked doing that. I guess, in the end, he's maybe the most content of the three of us).
Yeah, I agree with anonymous.

Don't be too tough on yerself. Try to get more counseling. Do little things that please your mate. Take time to listen to her. Show her you care.

Meanwhile, lose those 5 extra pounds you've been carrying. Get your cardiovascular fitness up to par. Eat right. Sleep right. Feed your mind with rich, mental "protein."

If in the worst case she dumps you, then you will know you have done all you can to reconcile and set things right, and you can love again. Love is a choice, not an accident.
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