Sunday, August 07, 2005

Ted's wedding photo

Folks, Ted Morris was kind enough to share a photo from his wedding to a lovely woman he met in a Sierra Vista karaoke bar. It's a good thing the bar served Jagermeister, because Lord knows Teddy would never have ended up with this gal if he would have had to woo her on his own. His opening line to a woman is usually, "Uh, you're not a cop, are you? 'Cause if you are, you have to tell me. It's the law."

Rumor has it that the girl's father Dan $3 million and a yak to consummate the wedding. Even with that, this agreement is written in Celtic texts as being akin to the trade that sent Herschel Walker from Dallas to Minnesota for every single one of their players and the cheerleaders. Again Ted, thanks for sharing. I love you like the drunken Irish brother I never had. -Chester

Inscription by Chester Arthur Burnett

My head got mishapen from being squeezed in a vise-like situation involving some amorous happy joy with my lady. I won't go into details.

HEY--Everybody's happy!!

"Squeeze mah lemon, babee ... "
Theodore's exploits here in SV have become legendary, at least to him. He's known as the rebound boy around here. I heard him one night hitting on this glamorous pre-teen with the line, "I've come to sweep you off your feet." Her quick repost was, "I thought you looked like the janitor."

In any event, hitting the lotto with the babe he just married was fortunate for him and it reminds me of a humorous story....

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident off the coast of San Diego, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

"We're sorry to have to tell you this, sir, but we have some information regarding your wife," said one of the officers.

"Well, tell me!" the man pleaded.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the husband said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in thirty feet of water, just off the coast."

"Oh, my God!" said the husband, overcome by emotion. Then remembering what the policeman said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "when we pulled her up, she had five lobsters clinging to her."

"If that's the good news, what's the great news?" asked the husband.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning!"



She is lovely, Ted! But you look kinda worried in that photo - you're not thinking that wily Chester is gonna try and steal her away, are you? LOL
Well, actually, ummm, the truth will soon be out anyway, ummmm, that bride is Chester's little brother. Yes, a transgender. He/She looks pretty good with breast augmentation and all that makeup, huh? And, Chet already "stole" her/him. You should've seen their double-wide rockin'! hooooo-EEEEEEEE!!

But don't ask me how I got mixed up in this. Got clobbered and woke up at this nightmare. Like a shotgun wedding!
Hah! 'That wily Chester." Now that's funny.
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