Thursday, November 10, 2005

My Son Ben

Photo taken June 2003


The following was posted today by my 15-year-old son, Benjamin, on his blog ( ):

Alphabet soup has been a staple of the diet of Mankind for centuries untold. Ever since the dawn of time, the letters of the alphabet have formed words within the soup; some best left unmentioned. Unknown to many, however, there exists a dark secret long hidden by the evil Soup Moguls - a secret that must be shared with the masses for the sake of their own well-being.

The Soup Moguls are a small council of industrialists from well-known soup and juice corporations such as Campbell’s and Juicy Juice. They keep their identities secret using bribery, blackmail, and even murder. Several undercover reporters gave their lives while divulging even this little information, and readers and reporters alike are in danger because of the mere existence of this article. The Soup Moguls are behind several conspiracies, including the infamous Area 51, which is reportedly their secret base of operations. The details of Soup Mogul involvement in the Kennedy assassination are unclear, and irrelevant at this time, dwarfed by the far more vast and far deadlier Alphabet Soup Phenomenon.

While many people spend their life oblivious to the truth, the fact remains that the words formed by alphabet soup are actually used to convey subliminal messages to the minds of people around the word. One of the first people to notice the oddity about the alphabet soup messages was Al Fabit. We contacted him about his experience, and had this to say:
“I first started noticing things a few months ago. It started off as small things, like writing the alphabet backwards all over the walls of my house. It got progressively worse after that - I even ended up hiring 26 contortionists to form the letters of the alphabet.”

Another witness, Tom A. Towe, had a slightly different experience: "I was sitting at home, eating my alphabet soup. I love a good bowl of alphabet soup. Anyway, I looked into the bowl and saw a word that chilled my spine: Toyota."

Obviously, the aliens who are sending out these messages are Toyota-contortionist fanatics. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, EVERYONE WILL BE FORCED TO DRIVE TOYOTAS AND TO LEARN TO FOLD THEIR BODIES INTO PRETZELS!

Hey Ted, your son's a really good writer and he looks so much like you it's incredible (in my family *EVERYBODY* has a Toyota - but we're definitely not pretzel shaped - yet.... LOL =)
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