Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Darkness on the face of the deep...

I don't know how long I've been pretending that all is well. In retrospect, probably most of my life. Sure, I can blame my upbringing and the characters I love called parents. But, at this resolve, what's the difference?

I don't ever recall being someone who relinquished responsibility for choices, good or bad. I know I've made them both and I have a pile of sins to pay for and I ain't got time to hide. Have I avoided the consequences of the bad? Sure, no doubt there. Am I willing to take the consequences for the bad? Sure, again no doubt.

So, you ask, what's the problem? It's the "big picture". You know, El Schema del Dio. It's the big image. How do I fit in the Cosmic dust, the debris of the ages? Conversely, does it matter besides today?

Oh, yeah. Today is what we live with. Yesterday is now a non-existent fact and tomorrow is all speculation. Repentance is important, individually, but does it change the master plan? Maybe redemption is the master plan and I, silly me, have broken free of the angst of tomorrow and the guilt of yesterday.

The guy with the answers, somehow, keeps avoiding me, it seems. "Gimme some light" I beg. The answer? An eternal smile.

I've been remembering the writing of Par Lagerkvist of late. In his story "The Eternal Smile", the guilty and unredeemed of the world go out searching for God to give meaning to their wretchedness and guilt.

God, in the guise of Mr. Pedersen the grocer, is innocently cutting wood, maybe sawing logs, when they, the children of the earth, approach HIM and demand an answer to the meaning of all their struggles and strife.

His answer, "I only meant that you shouldn't be bored".

The river's on the rise and we all fight for higher ground. A few more years of toil and a thousand years of happiness. Just can't go back to paradise. I killed a man back there.

"The guy with the answers" ... is also you, Leo.

You're not a marionette, awaiting G-d's tug on the strings. You always have some control, some choices.

In "Man's Search for Meaning," read what powerful choice Viktor Frankl discovered some people realized they had in the Nazi concentration camps.

Another good read is "The Psychology of Achievement" by Brian Tracy. You have conscious thoughts and you can decide what to think.

One last thought here, if I may:

II Corinthians 10:5

Apply it!
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